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Lurgan Coat of Arms The Armagh Guardian


12 September, 1869  

A FAMILY FEUD

Yesterday morning a little before nine o'clock, the passengers through Edward-street were entertained with a piece of comedy provided for their amusement, which, although previously unrehearsed by the actors, was performed with singular success. A youthful egg merchant, who had long sighed in secret for the love of a neighbour's daughter, a few days since 'screwed up his courage to the sticking point' and breathed the tender tale to the object of his affections. He pledged fond vows of idolatry, which were reciprocated by the gentle maid with a devotion that showed plainly to the young egg merchant that he had not counted his chickens before they were hatched.

The happy day was named, on Monday, the 2nd August, 1869, was to be henceforth honoured in the calendar as the date of the union of the happy pair. On Sunday evening they separated, promising to be ready at an early hour yesterday morning for the eventful ceremony. After a sleepless night, the intended bridegroom rose betimes in the morning and repaired to the residence of the fair one, according to pre-arrangement. She was, it need scarcely be said, engaged in her toilet, and in about half an hour, having completed to her satisfaction the complicated adornments of person usual on such occasions, the bride made her appearance, and the wedding party, consisting of four persons in all, drove to the parish church in what the Police Committee of the Town Council would call ' a one horse carriage with four wheels. As they reached the church door, an old gentleman, supposed to be the author of the bridegroom's being, opened the door of the vehicle, seized his offspring by the golgotha, while 'this old man's daughter ' attacked the party on the opposite flank, caught the future partner of her brother's lot by the chignon, which she dilapidated, and at one fell swoop demolished such a duck of a bonnet, and then the row began.

The best-man escaped a swinging back-hander from the enraged parent, by executing a dexterous movement, known to the ' fancy' as a dive, and sought refuge in the sanctuary. A crowd collected, and the bewildered jarvey not knowing what to make of matters, got on his box and drove the belligerents as fast as his horse could go, anywhere anywhere but nowhere in particular. Before, however he got outside the gate, the indignant father gave further vent to his outraged feelings by breaking the door of the carriage, into fragments, driving his fist through the window, and heaving the cushions promiscuously at the crowd. In the midst of this wild scene the rector arrived, accompanied by his curate and succeeded in pouring oil on the troubled waters. Order was restored in a few minutes, and the whole party, including the reverend peacemakers, drove off amid the cheers and groans of a sympathising crowd, who had all through the episode evinced the liveliest interest in the proceedings. Northern Star.

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